When the sunrise sings

Last night, like every night, was full of too much work and so very little sleep. When I woke this morning groundhog day loomed, like the hugest of mountains.

The boys had been up since just after 5am, grouchy-tired, irritating each other with just a glance. I ignored their shouting and trudged into Bean’s room to find his clothes.

My body felt crumpled with tiredness, my brain incapable of stringing speech together. The prospect of work was daunting.

As I tutted and sighed and fought my way through a ridiculously large pile of odd socks for such a small boy, I cursed everything.

I cursed my exhaustion, my lack of superhuman ability to rise above my exhaustion, the colds that we just can’t kick, the irritable fug that we’re drowning in, the children’s yelling that cuts through me like a knife. I cursed at how haggard I feel. I cursed at how haggard I look. I cursed the pile of washing I still haven’t done, the bathrooms that haven’t been cleaned, the phone calls I haven’t made, the letters I haven’t written. I cursed tonight’s dinner that still hadn’t been planned, bought or prepared. I cursed the sodding ladder in my sodding tights. I cursed it all.

And then I opened the curtains.

And I stopped.

Because amidst the sleep deprivation, the tantrums, the shrieking, the laddered tights, the snot covered faces, the achey bones, the bickering, the self-doubt, the tears, the missing socks, the poo, the sick, the fevers, the worry, was this…

image

Molten skies, broken by a newborn morning light that has never shone before. Clouds that are a dream, that bubble and wisp and dance in the dawn wind.

This is a sky that has never been before, and will never be again.

This beauty is here and now, regardless of us. Despite us.

It took my breath away.

We are the smallest of things, dancing along to the chaotic rhythm of life.

We are the smallest of creatures being swept along.

And in the flurry and the crashing of the tide it’s so easy to miss what is right outside our window.

 

 

I’m linking up with Mummyneversleeps and her genius linky,

All the Small Things - MummyNeverSleeps

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18 comments Write a comment

  1. Ahhh I really feel for you with all that work and lack of sleep. I only have z and I am struggling with the bugs and workload. Must be doubly hard for you. But that sight of dawn looks amazing!!

    • As much as I wouldn’t wish the lack of sleep on anyone it does help to know I’m not alone, that this is all just part & parcel of motherhood and this time of year. Roll on the warmer, germ free months!

  2. You’ve expressed that feeling of Groundhog Day so perfectly. The fug we feel when it all becomes too much. It’s good to remind ourselves of the ‘outside’ and how fleeting it all is. Thank you for doing that.

    • Thank you! My motto since having kids is ‘it will pass’ but I’ve not been so good at remembering it recently. Seeing that sky was a great reminder to just breathe and let it be x

  3. For starters, what a beautiful sky!

    You’re absolutely right. It’s very hard to lose sight of all of the good in life when we’re feeling so crappy in ourselves. What an amazing reminder that we should just enjoy the right here and now

  4. *sigh* glorious sky!
    I know the Groundhog Day feelings and the frustration and the fug and the endless washing piles all too well. It’s so hard to step back and notice things but it’s SO much better when we manage to

    • It makes all the difference! Not doing so well with the stepping back and noticing thing recently, must remember to look out the window tomorrow :)

  5. You sum up our morning routine so well, it’s like you live in our house, ha! Must remember to look outside the window from time to time though…thank you for reminding me!

  6. *jaw drops*

    Dude. That sky. There are no words. Incredible. I so know what you mean about the groundhog day, when it’s all just way too much to process. Such a beautiful post Steph, thank you so much for sharing and joining in xxx

    • It took my breath away when I opened the curtains! Skies like that definitely lessen the monotony of crazy mornings :) x

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