Through my phone lens

Things are shifting. In a good way. I’d write about it, but I’m not sure of the words. Rather than the usual frustration, this writers block is freeing. I’m loving the head space, the indulgence of feeling without writing. I’m taking my time, figuring things out and finding my new direction.

I don’t know where I’m headed, but for the first time in ages I feel hopeful, and capable, and excited about the future. These last few months have been testing. During all the unrest some of my beliefs and fears have been unsettled, and (right now at least) I’m seeing that as a good thing, as adaptation and growth.

While I um and ah about my next blog post, I thought I’d update with a few moments captured on my phone from the last few weeks; family walks, afternoons at the park, silly moments at home. Little E and Bean have been with us every step of this tricky time, shining like little lights in the dark.

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It’s LEGO® season!

In preparation for the sparkly season I’ve been thinking about Christmas presents for the boys. Like last year I’m keen to avoid buying the disposable stuff that the shops are brimming with. The kind of stuff that Little E is a bit obsessed with (and it’s no wonder – toy advertising is a scary beast of a thing).
So I’ve written a small list of toys that will last, and are ethical and educational. Top of the list for E is LEGO®. He’s only been let loose on Duplo so far, but thanks to Suppose.com, who sent us the LEGO® City Coast Guard 4×4 & Diving Boat for free, Little E now has his first ever set. These are BIG TIMES chez littleeandbean.

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This is a review I’ve been super-excited about, mainly because I could just picture Little E’s face opening the box! And he’s been just as thrilled as I expected. I’ve heard “this is my favourite toy, mum!” so many times. His new LEGO® had to sit on the edge of the sink while he had his bath tonight and he took it to bed. Childhood infatuations with toys are the sweetest thing.

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I’m really impressed with the set. It features a small 4X4 vehicle, trailer, diving gear (including a scuba kit and a life jacket), a walkie-talkie, megaphone, and 2 minifigures: a driver and a rescue diver. And it’s the perfect introduction to LEGO® for a little boy who has so far only been allowed to play with Duplo. It’s complex enough to feel very grown up to Little E, but there aren’t too many parts, so he’s able to work through the instructions and build it with me.

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Judging by how infatuated Little E is I think he’s going to get a lot of playing hours out of it. Happy times! And even better is the pricetag. Suppose.com found The LEGO® City Coast Guard 4×4 & Diving Boat for £7.98 (instead of £14.99) – it’s a fantastic price for such a well built, classic toy, that will give us years of fun. This post is sponsored by Suppose.com

Why I’m proud of us

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You may have noticed that my posts about the boys have been few and far between this year. When I first started blogging I thought I’d want to record every precious nanosecond with Little E and Bean. Indeed, for a while I was all about the updates. But the truth is, life gets in the way. I never wanted blogging to become a forced exercise, so I’ve been happy with the inevitable lulls. This year I’ve slipped off the radar a few times; while I’ve been writing my book *awkward silence* OK! OK! While I’ve been thinking about writing my book, and when work’s been crazy-busy.

This is a very photo heavy post. Scroll down to read more.

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One of the biggest reasons for the lull in Little E and Bean updates is because life took a nosedive this year and I realised that blogging about it would have made us all way too vulnerable. I didn’t want the boys inhabiting the same writing as my upset.

Unfortunately there’s no way around certain lows. No amount of ‘pulling your socks up’ or ‘manning up’ (urgh, how I loath all that dismissive, man-bashing, crap) can cut even a spyhole through the thick wall of gloom at your lowest ebb. You’ve just got to wade through. Or at least try to. And it’s hard parenting when life goes wrong. You worry about how it might impact on your children, and you overlook the happy that’s going on right in front of you.

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Thankfully, things are finally looking up and I’m feeling more positive about blogging again. The other night I was absentmindedly flicking through photos of the boys from earlier in the year, and I realised something. Despite the chaos that was unfolding we worked so hard to give the kids a good summer. I look at these photos and I see two very loved little boys and that makes me proud.

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